These two… my heart.
There are days being a mom can be tough. It can feel as if the demands will never stop. On those days, when complete overwhelm sets in, it is harder to create space for me. Space to slow down, to breathe, to take time for myself, to move my body, to attend to my needs, because there is so much to get done, race around and complete. On those days – I can get irritable, resentful and easily frustrated. This past week has been like that but twenty fold.
We lost two family members, within one week. So sudden. No warning. The range of emotions I have gone through is vast. I have felt drained and not able to focus. When tragedy and loss strike, all things seem to come to a screeching hault. I am now coming up for a tiny bit of air and then this overwhelm of all I have left unattended is immense. Of course nothing was tended to, and rightfully so. But now it feels even more overwhelming. My heart starts racing. Worry sets in, and then I stop.
It’s short. This life is too. damn. short.
Looking at my boys this week, it felt as if someone had pressed the fast forward button. They are growing up at ‘lightning speed’. How in the heck is my first born almost 4 and my youngest just turned 1?!? How?
With loss, comes reflection on the soul’s that passed. Their lives. The memories, joys, laughter, hugs, tears, pain, lessons. All of it.
I have felt very reflective in thinking of their lives and their souls as they reunite with other loved ones in the Heavens. I still feel like I am in some sort of hazy sadness, but I also have been given some real clarity.
I am left with this knowing that if I am not careful, this life, this time with my boys, will just pass right on by. The tough parts will go, but so will the good ones.
Time for a shift – a shift in how I look at this. I am struck with these words…
How long will I get to be ‘momma’, and do all the things that mommas do?
How long will I get to listen to you call me momma, over and over again? One day too soon, you will call me mom or mother and will not need me so.
How long will I get to listen to you ask me 100 questions on the way to school? One day too soon, you will know all the answers.
How long will I get to do the crazy morning rush to feed you both, get you dressed and out the door in time for school? One day too soon, you will drive yourself or if I do, I will have to drop you off far enough away to keep things ‘cool’.
How long will I get to snuggle you while you wake from nap, all sleepy and warm? One day too soon, you will not take so many naps nor will you want to snuggle.
How long will I get to read stories to you at night while you plop in my lap and beg for one more? One day too soon, you will read all on your own and will no longer need a lap to sit in.
How long will I get to guide you back to your room for the 10th time because you just don’t want to go to bed and want me to ‘rub your arm’ and lie there with you? One day too soon, you will go to bed all on your own and won’t want me near your room.
How long will I get come to you in the middle of the night, or you to me, when you need me to reassure and love on you? One day too soon, you will be all grown up and too brave for me.
This post is in loving memory of those our family lost. May their sweet souls rest in peace.
BIG love and hugs,
septimus4ever
Sarah I love what you wrote it was very deep you could be a writer too you must now feel what our mom felt about us when she raised us and had same feelings about how time goes so fast growing up I like your blog send me email about how I can start one to write a book OK love your sister Annie
Sarah Post author
Thank you, Anne!